Last night I got extremely drunk; while this is often unglamorous, last night was by far and away the least glamorous night I have had in ages.

I had one too many Cody's, or perhaps two too many. I ended up yundering on my jeans, although I don't remember this. And then my mates put shaving foam on me, in the time-honoured tradition of doing this to drunken mates. I actually thought it was Selley's No More Gaps when I woke up, as I could see a tube of the stuff in the kitchen (although I think it may actually be beige, not white... can't remember).

My feet really fucking hurt. This is a combination of the sunburn received during the day, and the various cuts I received on them through doing a big drunken mission without shoes.

OK, so across the road some other people were having drinks, and me and another chap went across to sort of say howdy and whatnot; also, this flat is the one who has called Noise Control on my mates' flat in the past. Even though they are bloody our age. Sad sacks. So we went over and they came to the door and asked where we had come from. Being a Quick Thinker, I said, "We are definitely NOT from the flat across the road that you always call noise control on". Anyway they didn't really want us to come in, so we didn't.

But it seems it was someone's birthday there, cause there were three balloons tied to the letterbox. So one of the flatmates stole them and took them back to the flat (this was perhaps at 2 am, so I dont think they really would have cared).

This inspired me to mount a Big Drunken Mission. We sort of planned this out. A small group of about four people were to wander across the road and stay on the pavement, making lots of noise. This was to act as a decoy. Meanwhile, I would hop over several fences and sort of commando eventually into their drive, and then steal the crepe paper thingy above the door. It was sort of like a tinsel thingy, and for some unknown reason was probably associated with this person's birthday thing.



So I went over to the fence and thought I could get over it. Turns out I couldn't by myself, so someone gave me a boost over it. I then stealthily went through the next door people's back yard and over to the next fence. I then realized it was bloody high and there was no way in hell I was getting over it. So I actually just went up the side and up next to their driveway, lay down prone to watch for enemy activity, then executed a commando roll down a two foot drop which I thought had grass below it. Turns out it was the driveway, and it was concrete. So at this point, my knees and various other parts were bloody hurting, so, yelping like a wounded animal, I ran across the road and hid in a bush across the road. After not seeing anyone moving for a couple of minutes, I stealthily crept down the side of someone's house, and then managed to get over their fence without incident. Coming up the other side of the next house, I suddenly was surprised by a light coming on (it seems it was just someone going to the loo, not someone who heard me) so I tried to silently get out of sight underneath their steps.

I don't remember why, either this was too much excitement for me or the fence was too high, so I didn't go over the final fence which would have taken me onto the people's drive and enabled me to steal their crepe thingy. I just ran back across the road and into the flat.



Then, half an hour after this, the people across the road had gone to bed. So I just walked over quietly and took the crepe thingy with no drama at all. All that bloody effort for nothing. And I fucked up my feet and knees.

After this, we hung it proudly in the flat, and got more drunk and sang along loudly to Metallica. I probably should have stopped drinking, and then my jeans wouldn't have vom on them. But it seems that "I guess I guess I guess I never learn". That's a line from Nightrain by GNR incidentally.

:hilarious: this is awesome. Your feet and knees weren't fucked for nothing. They were fucked for our amusement

:bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :hilarious: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown:

A best poster is you.

Dude, that seriously digs. At least you stole the bastards tinsel-glorydoor thing.

PMSL! Too funny! Thankyou for the afternoon entertainment!

ROFL. That's all I have to say.

Thankyou, Archie. I just spat my coffee (with cinamon sugar and cream) all over my moniter.
:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Haha thanks guys. My feet still hurt when I put shoes on, which I'm going to have to do in a mo :(

We're randomly playing at a party in Te Atatu tonight. Everything about this is random, so it's cool. I think I might not get too drunk, I think the last remaining Cody's and a bottle of Spumante will do nicely.

But it means that I'm missing
- my mate Dan's 21st (we're not that close mates, but I still wanted to go along, he's a good guy, fun to drink with, and I was hoping we'd start to hang out a bit more this year)
- Fez's thingummybob, which I also would have liked to attend.

I live in Tat :) Hope you have fun playing there.

^^^ Yup it was quite fun. It was on Totara Drive (or maybe Road), and a good time was had by all.

Okay so I did my own commando styles at Fez's, cept I wasn't pissed so appologies for the lack of drunkenness in this post. Fez's house is the most awesome house in the world, on top of a clif:


THe beach looked really awesome, but it was going to take ages to go down the proper way, and I'm not one to pass up an opportunity for commando, so I went in down the side. The first bit is tricky since you're basically wading through the jungle, but I could see where I was going once the canopy was over my head. After a few minutes of this I realised I had no hope of finding my way back up from the bottom, so I had to turn back and get some string off Fez.
Now with string in hand I'm heading back down when I hear the freakiest noise, it sounded like someone was breathing heavy right next to my ear. I swear I nearly fell down the cliff at that. I still don't know what it was, I reckon it was some fucked up sea bird down on the water or something. Fez says he reckons there's some creepy homeless guy living down there. I did find an empty bottle, so maybe I was gonna get raped?!? :blink:.
Then the string ran out, but I decided to go on in my infinite wisdom. By this stage it was getting pretty steep, but I found that trees are nature's ladders, so I could like jump it down. I chickened out of going all the way down in the end, cause there was like a 10m vertical drop with no trees and I would have seriously fucked myself going down there, and would've had no way to get back up. Here's how far I got, I reckon about 2/3 of the way down:



Of course going back up I lost the string, so I had to go back and forth for like 5 minutes before I found it. I spent like ten minutes winding the fucker back onto the spool at the end too grr.


so the moral of the story is, do commando shit unpissed, and you won't fuck yourself up.


/EDIT, oh and if Cass asks I made it all the way down, and he has to out-hardcore me.

That's a good story too Steve.
We should form a commando brigade, and rescue attractive damsels in distress from where they are being held prisoner by a fiendish tyrant or something because they refuse to marry his son, the prince.
Or something.

agreed. we should have a meeting

a meeting with minutes.

^^ its not quite the same as having someone attractive to defend from unattractive future-husbands, but you could always gallantly protect me from this creep i pass most nights after work in town, and also the guys who work in that lower queen st turkish kebabs place, especially the one with the ponytail who calls out to me when i am alone. Turkish people scare me.

do we still get to have a meeting with minutes?

if so I'm so in.

I am in, as long as it doesn't require my actual physical attendance. Cause that would mean effort. But, you could ask him for his phone number - without giving him yours - and then tell me, and then I could send insulting texts to it.

But then he might think it was you and get mad I guess, and that would make it worse. Jeez being a tireless defender of liberty justice and the American way (heh as if the third isn't oxymoronic to the first two) is so tricky sometime.

And I don't even have X-Ray vision haha! Nor do I have cool spiderman powers. It sucks.

Ams, those dudes at that Turkish Cafe are such pricks. My mate Krystal used to work right beside them and they are cunts. I'll smash them for you.

why don't we have a meeting right outside the Turkish Cafe?


a meeting with minutes...

Can I at any point in the proceedings shove the minutes up the guy with the ponytail's arse?

I propose that we all go to Uni Kebab instead. Although the food is expensive, they are lovely friendly people. And also they sell hot chips for $1.50 with sauce and mayo if desired. No one else even comes close. And Pump bottles for $2, which is at the lower end of the market price range.

Yay uni kebab! I feel sort of guilty I've only ever bought one kebab there. I've bought hot chips millions of times but I can't see how they make any money on those. Otherwise I always go next door and get the butter chicken.

HINT: at Jewel of India, try and avoid getting the older Indian lady to serve you your scoop of the actual butter chicken mix; she is a stinge. The two younger Asian guys are far more generous. I should befriend them... then I will be able to elicit even more buttery chicken goodness! Mwahahah! Although, to be fair, it's a pretty large meal for me as is.

yeah that butter chicken rocks. Fez will tell you otherwise though.

The Cocaine Club has a purpose! To rescue beautiful women and liberate animals and various other mishes.

Jewel Of India naan bread shit is awesome. I loves it.

And to wear suits, while doing this. And to be surrounded by many many sexy latino women.

Speaking of kebabs...

But Hauser, I'm not IN the cocaine club. I don't have a pale suit :(
Although maybe I can make up for this by growing designer stubble?

Uh also are we drug lords, or cops fighting against the scourge of cocaine smugglers? Cause if it's the latter I demand to be allowed to have a secret cocaine habit, which I support by just skimming off some of the confiscated shipments.

Don't worry John, I have many a crack rock.

I think drug lords would be better. if we were cops we'd have DEA and Internal Affairs and all those other cockroaches on us. The Bolivians should be our suppliers, I fucking hate Columbians.