Title: Under Adolf Chiang's Iron Fist
Description: Political Satire...
Description: Political Satire...
Adolf Chiang - December 16, 2005 09:52 AM (GMT)
Christmas is also known as the silly season. Just for humor sake, imagine you live in a nation that has Mr. Chiang as a benevolent dictator. The said nation would be characterized by:
- Compulsory military training
- Corporal and capital punishments (say hello to justice)
- Free market economy with corporate welfare
- Militant nationalism
- Heavy emphasis on scientific education
- Low taxation
- High concentration of heavy industries
You know you country's leader is Gen. Chiang when...
...you feel naked out off your uniform.
...you find it utterly annoying that you're watching the nightly 'Military Report' on TV and your spouse asks for sex.
...you address any male stranger older than you as "Sir" or "Master".
…you can’t pass a day without seeing someone in khaki.
…you can’t sleep at night worrying about if your country will survive to face the new dawn as there could be some upcoming crisis, whether it would be economic, fossile fuel or diplomatic.
…you like to watch executions or corporal punishment, public or broadcasted.
...you believe that BA stands for "bugger all!"
...you’ve been told to stand and you immediately shoot up to attention, waiting for “at ease”.
…your weekends are often spent with the Reservists or National Militia. Otherwise, you have no weekend as you'll be in active service.
...you vividly remember the first time you went shooting.
...your favorite social activity is participating in an ultranationalist rally.
...you create a mental picture of an enemy country, you imagine your country's troops storming it, destroying and killing everything!
...your favorite board game (besides Chinese chess) is the kriegspiel.
...you play kriegspiel with your friends and family.
...you can memorize all the propaganda slogan banners in your city.
...you look at a picture of the Hammer and Sickle and you think that commies use the hammer for striking their testis after they've shaved it, using the sickle.
...someone in you family (at least one) is in active service.
...you anticipate National Day more than Christmas.
...you learnt the NATO phonetic alphabet in your first English lesson.
...your telephone conversations are short, as you follow military radio procedures.
...your son's favorite toy is a scaled model of some of the nation's weapon systems.
...you name your favorite car as this:
...you participate in endless debate about which is the better, M16 or AK-47.
...you enjoy your 50-hour work week as you don't want your nation to die or lag behind industrially or economically.
...your first marching steps are equally a milestone as your first words or your first walk.
...even if you are blind or had a leg amputated, you can still get into your nearest airraid bunker in satisfactory time.
...your right arm gets tired from saluting flags and superiors too much.
...you may not be able to name your favorite color, but you're sure as hell be able to name your favorite BDU pattern:
...as a male, you are confused that 'tampions' are part of feminine hygene.
...crack is not a drug on the market, it's the result on the craniums of drug addicts and dealers after police arrest.
...when a cellphone rings in a crowded area, everyone checks theirs as most people will have the same ringtone- the national anthem.
...one of your heroes was the guy who caught this hoodlum urinating beneath a flag pole and proceeded to shoot the offender, cut his dick off and force him to eat it raw.
...you recommended a tourist this CD titled 'Sounds of My Country'; it had only one track- the sound of a thousand boots marching on concrete. The running time was 70 minutes. Best of all, it contained no loops!
- Compulsory military training
- Corporal and capital punishments (say hello to justice)
- Free market economy with corporate welfare
- Militant nationalism
- Heavy emphasis on scientific education
- Low taxation
- High concentration of heavy industries
You know you country's leader is Gen. Chiang when...
...you feel naked out off your uniform.
...you find it utterly annoying that you're watching the nightly 'Military Report' on TV and your spouse asks for sex.
...you address any male stranger older than you as "Sir" or "Master".
…you can’t pass a day without seeing someone in khaki.
…you can’t sleep at night worrying about if your country will survive to face the new dawn as there could be some upcoming crisis, whether it would be economic, fossile fuel or diplomatic.
…you like to watch executions or corporal punishment, public or broadcasted.
...you believe that BA stands for "bugger all!"
...you’ve been told to stand and you immediately shoot up to attention, waiting for “at ease”.
…your weekends are often spent with the Reservists or National Militia. Otherwise, you have no weekend as you'll be in active service.
...you vividly remember the first time you went shooting.
...your favorite social activity is participating in an ultranationalist rally.
...you create a mental picture of an enemy country, you imagine your country's troops storming it, destroying and killing everything!
...your favorite board game (besides Chinese chess) is the kriegspiel.
...you play kriegspiel with your friends and family.
...you can memorize all the propaganda slogan banners in your city.
...you look at a picture of the Hammer and Sickle and you think that commies use the hammer for striking their testis after they've shaved it, using the sickle.
...someone in you family (at least one) is in active service.
...you anticipate National Day more than Christmas.
...you learnt the NATO phonetic alphabet in your first English lesson.
...your telephone conversations are short, as you follow military radio procedures.
...your son's favorite toy is a scaled model of some of the nation's weapon systems.
...you name your favorite car as this:
...you participate in endless debate about which is the better, M16 or AK-47.
...you enjoy your 50-hour work week as you don't want your nation to die or lag behind industrially or economically.
...your first marching steps are equally a milestone as your first words or your first walk.
...even if you are blind or had a leg amputated, you can still get into your nearest airraid bunker in satisfactory time.
...your right arm gets tired from saluting flags and superiors too much.
...you may not be able to name your favorite color, but you're sure as hell be able to name your favorite BDU pattern:
...as a male, you are confused that 'tampions' are part of feminine hygene.
...crack is not a drug on the market, it's the result on the craniums of drug addicts and dealers after police arrest.
...when a cellphone rings in a crowded area, everyone checks theirs as most people will have the same ringtone- the national anthem.
...one of your heroes was the guy who caught this hoodlum urinating beneath a flag pole and proceeded to shoot the offender, cut his dick off and force him to eat it raw.
...you recommended a tourist this CD titled 'Sounds of My Country'; it had only one track- the sound of a thousand boots marching on concrete. The running time was 70 minutes. Best of all, it contained no loops!
Senor - December 16, 2005 10:33 AM (GMT)
HAHAHAhahahahaHAhahaha
Holy shit your soooo funny! And intelligent! i mean u didnt just waste your life typing lots of shit that no one cares about, oh no not at all.
Holy shit your soooo funny! And intelligent! i mean u didnt just waste your life typing lots of shit that no one cares about, oh no not at all.
Boy Wonder - December 16, 2005 11:02 AM (GMT)
I care. I think the above post was most entertaining. I hope adolf is being nominated for best poster award, cos he gets my vote.
Adolf Chiang - December 16, 2005 07:41 PM (GMT)
| QUOTE (Senor @ Dec 16 2005, 10:33 PM) |
| i mean u didnt just waste your life typing lots of shit that no one cares about, oh no not at all. |
Actually, I copied all the text from another forum.
JPAR - December 16, 2005 08:59 PM (GMT)
| QUOTE (Boy Wonder @ Dec 16 2005, 11:02 PM) |
| I care. I think the above post was most entertaining. I hope adolf is being nominated for best poster award, cos he gets my vote. |
What are you smoking? I clearly am the best poster on these boards by far and deserve recognition.
Dr_Steve - December 16, 2005 11:13 PM (GMT)
| QUOTE (Adolf Chiang @ Dec 17 2005, 07:41 AM) |
| Actually, I copied all the text from another forum. |
wow, and original too
Happy Ahmed - December 17, 2005 01:46 AM (GMT)
You are all a bunch of dirty masturbators.
Tony Montana - December 17, 2005 02:33 AM (GMT)
| QUOTE (Happy Ahmed @ Dec 17 2005, 01:46 PM) |
| You are all a bunch of dirty masturbators. |
You got me.
What's this country called, Chiangland? The Third Chiang?
Adolf Chiang - December 17, 2005 03:56 AM (GMT)
| QUOTE |
| wow, and original too |
It's my own work, I simply chose to duplicate it here for laughs.
| QUOTE |
| What's this country called, Chiangland? The Third Chiang? |
Adolf Chiang - December 18, 2005 04:04 AM (GMT)
Heh, I just updated it.
Archie McRiff - December 18, 2005 04:59 AM (GMT)
I know it's "for laughs", but man I really appreciate the diversity in our current setup. Obviously it has its flaws, but people like me are free to do heaps of different stuff, play rock music (which has certainly never been very supportive of an ultra-nationalist agenda), experiment with different realities (my own forays have been limited, and this has been my choice and my choice only), and do more or less whatever the fuck I want within certain constraints that arise from me not being a completely selfish individual as we normally assume people to be in economic models.
Hurray!
Hurray!
Tony Montana - December 18, 2005 06:19 AM (GMT)
I too favour universal sufferage during peacetime-paying gold to finish buildings and units rocks. However, a police state is preferably when your civilization is at war for long periods of time-the 50% less war weariness and 25% unit production boost are must haves.
Adolf Chiang - December 18, 2005 10:07 AM (GMT)
If people devote more to their countries, it'd be a better place in terms of living standards, international standing and technological advances. I believe that people should be free provided that they follow certain moral boundaries. Unlimited freedoms is called anarchy. Nations thrive when they're being exalted, this is similar to a person succeeding when encouraged.
I've always prefered the Singaporean model. There may not be elections in the fair sense but the media has been kept free to monitor the government for any forms of corruption. Not all dictatorships are are brutal and oppressive and if it's effectiveness is greater than a democracy, why change?
I've always prefered the Singaporean model. There may not be elections in the fair sense but the media has been kept free to monitor the government for any forms of corruption. Not all dictatorships are are brutal and oppressive and if it's effectiveness is greater than a democracy, why change?
Dr_Steve - January 10, 2006 01:17 PM (GMT)
you know John Lennon also had a vision for the world.
a world where there's no heaven, no hell below us, Above us only sky.
c'mon sing it with me!!!!11!!!
a world where there's no heaven, no hell below us, Above us only sky.
c'mon sing it with me!!!!11!!!
Dr_Steve - January 10, 2006 01:18 PM (GMT)
and here's a pic of a book called Imagine.
I think a double posting makes my point more valid, don't you?
I think a double posting makes my point more valid, don't you?
Adolf Chiang - January 11, 2006 01:26 AM (GMT)
Remember that thread I once made about his bullshit song? I dubbed it the 'Anthem of Defeatism'.
(What's with all the Beatles crap you've been posting today?)
(What's with all the Beatles crap you've been posting today?)
Dr_Steve - January 11, 2006 01:28 AM (GMT)