Well here it is, the long awaited porno review thread!

Basically review any pornos you have seen, in as little or as much detail as you wish. Im sure there will be the classics as well as some slightly more "accuired taste" pornography films, all based around providing you with a guide to the best and the worst of the adult video entertainment world.

Please state the Genre as best as possible at the top of your post and finally give it a rating: between :nostar: :nostar: :nostar: :nostar: :nostar: (0/5) and :goldstar: :goldstar: :goldstar: :goldstar: :goldstar: (5/5)

ie.

Pussy Bandits 5
Hetro hardcore
<inset review>
:goldstar: :goldstar: :goldstar: :nostar: :nostar:

PLEASE KEEP POSTS TO REVIEWS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE THANKS.

Happy Viewing :P

'Pornoes' > 'Pornos'.

:clap: :clap:

Yay! When i am sober, perhaps, i shall review a few.

+100 points for anyone who uses the phrase 'capital knockers'.

ill start us off with a classic

Nymph
( directed by Paul Thomas, starring Chasey Lain)
Hetro/Lesbian Hardcore

Well Chasey Lain is one of the leading ladies in porn and she doesnt dissapoint in this title. The "plot" is based on water nymphs in a hotel where guests stumble into (quite literally) nymphs that appear when the water is run. first couple of scenes are the usual masturbate and hetro sex in the shower. then the main actor and actress (the very hot chasey) are introduced, some plot development then a nice 3some of ladies, 2 nymphs, a roomate's friend and a big strapon. rest of the film is quite average but finishes up with a bang with 3 couples sprawled over the hotel reception area. good scene.

All in all a pretty decent title, a few good scenes, good for people after straight up porn, a bit of variation with strap on and some anal but not too explicit, hot girls and no over the top acting. There is one girl who is annoyingly screetchy and sometimes spouts lines like "OO MY ASS" which are lame.

a good one to watch with the girlfriend or yourself if you are a girl.

:goldstar: :goldstar: :goldstar: :nostar: :nostar:

I'm not much of a fan of anal, thats why lesbian porn is good, not too much risk of that.

Too much porn is stock standard, starts with the guy getting a blow-job, then onto the sex doggy style (usually) then anal, then the moneyshot, everytime without fail. Boring.

Ok, so double post, but to get you guys started on reviewing i've got a great website for you to buy dirt-cheap and dirty porn DVD'S from.

www.cdwow.com

It's all in British Pounds, but they have a massive collection, classics, new stuff, fetish, girl-on-girl, anal, PRIVATE brand DVD'S you name it they've got it. AND, as if it wasn't good enough already, shipping anywhere in the world for as many DVD'S as you want is FREE.

Stay away from the 6.99 jobs, they're not the best, a lot of amatur stuff. But if money is no issue then go for it, then you can buy more. There are DVD'S with 4 hours of porn, there are even some 5 disc box sets for 12.99 that are 24 hours long! And they have those interactive DVD'S, the ones where you supposedly tell her what to do.

Seriously, check it out. But as i said, some are crap, so choose carefully, you could always sell them on trademe though.

Street Heat
Amatuer

This was some random interlude scene or promo of some greater series or something. This older german guy lures this girl off the street and procedes to do the dirty. No anal and he seems to have a penchant for getting head as between every position switch thats what he was getting her to do. Near the end just as you think he is about to bust a nut on her face, she suddenly gets her shit and is pretty much "fuck that shit" and gets the fuck out. Leaving him there with dick in hand making sad protests.

:lol: First time Ive seen that happen so it gets a bonus point for that, loses points for being in German

:goldstar: :goldstar: :goldstar: :nostar: :nostar:

Bust a nut on her face :hilarious:

I've never heard that one before!

Backdoor Sluts 9

Inevitably uneven but in many regards a superior example of the portmanteau film, this collaboration by three of cinema’s great ‘realists’ (using the term loosely) even succeeds as a feature in its own right. A freewheeling exploration of love, responsibility, truth and lies, almost wholly set on a train going from Austria to Rome, it’s unusually coherent for films of this kind, and easily holds the attention from beginning to end.

The writer/director offers something more starkly, strangely beautiful than most costume dramas, and the whole film puts a fresh spin on the traditional love story. The characters are stubborn and inward-looking, and it's the refusal to sentimentalise that makes this harsh tale of obsession so moving.

What emerges is an intimate, unlikely love story and a stimulating portrait of the contrast between existing communities and the cold bureaucracy of political and corporate interests in the developing world.

For a film so concerned with the subject of storytelling – pulp crime fiction plays a pivotal part – its narrative is inordinately convoluted, but the script short-circuits its own shortcomings with clever-clever captions and asides.

Oh, and those bitches had capital knockers alright.

:goldstar::goldstar::goldstar::goldstar::nostar:

1 Night in Paris
Amateur

Well this "title" gained massive amounts of publicity, and Paris is either considered really hot or disgusting, i am of the former. any way lets get down too it.

Well there is alot of fucking around first, but when it does get too it, it sucks, it opens with a night shot scene, where Paris is walking around and talking to the camera, when solomon start it up doggy style her phone goes off, so she just crawls off to answer it, leaving him there to um and er... after the intial lame sex Paris gives him head with the TV blarring full blast with some chat show or something, so theres a background banter the entire time, just plain boring.

The next scene is Paris showing off her little tits, and some lame "playing around" then she tries to hide herself from Rick's camera, again very droll. then a doggy style on the bed, which finishes with Paris just walking off. then she goes for some head and "all shit all over your tits kid".

Lame lame lame.

:goldstar: :nostar: :nostar: :nostar: :nostar:

a single star JUST because she is Paris.